ineke.co.uk

So far, members of this govt can:

1. Go to work instead of self-isolate

2. Ravish employees at work instead of socially distance

3. Test their eyes on 600 mile road trips instead of obey lockdown

4. Hand billion pound contacts out like smarties to mates

I dream of decency 😔

— Dr Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) July 18, 2021

Hundreds of thousands of young people, including my children, had their education and lives repeatedly turned upside down again and again after dutifully and responsibly isolating. And now this. Anger doesn’t begin to cover it. https://t.co/4XylB29M9q

— Jonathan Bartley (@jon_bartley) July 18, 2021

Remember when leaders led by example?

500k of us are currently isolating after being contacted by the NHS Covid app.

But @BorisJohnson & @RishiSunak – conveniently enrolled in a pilot – won’t be.

One rule for them.

Every. Single. Time. https://t.co/ybkKvDRTF7

— Dr Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) July 18, 2021

Government:
In a few weeks up to a million people could be forced to self-isolate

Government:
But not us pic.twitter.com/MWsjlKEZrZ

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 18, 2021

This is such a lucky government. First Gove, then Johnson and Sunak all randomly chosen at random for a random pilot scheme that allows them to avoid self-isolation. Amazing!

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 18, 2021

I was JOKING https://t.co/1KMIaot3dN

— Adam Wagner (@AdamWagner1) July 18, 2021

Acceptable excuses for breaking the law/rules, update:

It was in a limited and specific way
It was unintentional (Patel)
I was following natural justice (Jenrick)
I was following the instinct of any father
I was having an eye test
The matter is closed
I’m on a pilot scheme

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 18, 2021

Where we’re at:

Health Sec has Covid despite being fully vaccinated

Half population not fully vaccinated

PM/Sunak tried not to self-isolate

1.6m told to self-isolate last week

Highest daily cases in world

Hospitals already struggling

CONCLUSION
Lift restrictions!

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 18, 2021

When I was writing my article last week, I was told those selected for testing – rather than isolation – were chosen at random. We're meant to believe Boris and Rishi were both "randomly" chosen. They think we're idiots.

— (((Dan Hodges))) (@DPJHodges) July 18, 2021

Its almost like they know millions self-isolating undermines their countrycidal “Freedom Day”.

So by not self-isolating themselves they push everyone else not to do it.

£37bn on Test & Trace and now they’re making sure it’s ignored.

We’ll be back in lockdown in weeks.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 18, 2021

If you cook and eat a Sunday Roast today in this weather then you need to seek medical attention immediately.

— Rob Beckett (@robbeckettcomic) July 18, 2021

‘We did look briefly’ at the pilot scheme to avoid full self isolation … long enough to send out a press release saying that was the plan https://t.co/SJl7fS4qYT

— Laura Kuenssberg (@bbclaurak) July 18, 2021

The PM’s decision not to isolate… and then to U turn when the predictable backlash appears… conforms to a depressing pattern. We are led by a character without character.

— Tim Farron (@timfarron) July 18, 2021

I hope the u-turn doesn’t compromise the definitely real pilot that was being run.

— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) July 18, 2021

We sang ‘when I surveyed the wondrous cross’ in the church car park this morning after the service. Joyous, heartbreaking, truth-filled hymn. I so want to be free to sing it inside soon, but let’s remember that loving our neighbour will always mean giving up some of our ‘rights’.

— Tim Farron (@timfarron) July 18, 2021

BREAKING NEWS pic.twitter.com/1md8kFrzy9

— james menzies (@jamesmenzies1) July 17, 2021

I will never use the word ‘staycation’ again.

Of all the things I’ve said in the last 15 years, this seems to be the most controversial. 🤣

— Steph McGovern (@StephLunch) July 17, 2021

I have a comb I'm not using if you want one https://t.co/D6TSITJhwu

— Matt Lucas HQ (@RealMattLucas) July 18, 2021

Glad I’m ok. Very disappointed with being taken out like this. The penalty given does not help us and doesn’t do justice to the dangerous move Lewis made on track. Watching the celebrations while still in hospital is disrespectful and unsportsmanlike behavior but we move on pic.twitter.com/iCrgyYWYkm

— Max Verstappen (@Max33Verstappen) July 18, 2021

I have decided that I am taking part in a pilot scheme where I don’t have to pay any rent. https://t.co/Z3d69grcxv

— Michael (@Michael_Dunn4) July 18, 2021

Absolutely no point in attempting to get my kids to go to bed far too hot. When they collapse with tiredness I’ll scoop them up and put them in bed.

— Rob Beckett (@robbeckettcomic) July 18, 2021

So looking forward to the end of covid in 2 hours and 17 minutes.

— Richard K Herring (@Herring1967) July 18, 2021

Do other countries have a cat that constantly pads around outside their Prime Minister’s official residence and appears in the background of every TV news report from there, or is it just us?

— Red Sky At Night (@redskyatnight) July 18, 2021

Tomorrow people in England aren’t being given freedom by the government; they’re being handed the blame for what comes next. Please take care of yourselves and each other x

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) July 18, 2021

A country where the government don't lead by example is a country in trouble. A country where the government ignore the rules they make their citizens obey, lie habitually and knowingly endanger the lives of many (and risk even greater global suffering) is a country lost.

— Chris 🕷🐦 (@imageplotter) July 18, 2021

I’m guessing this pilot scheme won’t go to series.

— Matt Owen (@MJowen174) July 18, 2021

‘You, my brothers and sisters, were called to freedom. But do not use your freedom as an opportunity for self-indulgence; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

[Galatians 5:13-14]

— Patrick J L Davies (@RevPatrickD) July 19, 2021

"We must think about the mental health of the nation and ease the restrictions!"
"What about the mental health of the people who now feel more anxious than ever as the variants run rampant across the country"
"Oh them? They can shut the fuck up"

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) July 19, 2021

There isn’t a person in the country who doesn't long for this nightmare over.

Everyone has lost so much. Loved ones. Jobs. Homes. Peace of mind. Social contact. Confidence.

But we can’t make it go away by closing our eyes & declaring ‘Freedom’.@BorisJohnson has given up.

— Dr Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) July 19, 2021

You know what’s really annoying: I would love nothing more than for everything to open up and feel safe. And I probably would have if we’d opened up after everyone’s been double jabbed, and we’d lowered infections. For having this view I’m told I love lockdown by cranks.

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 19, 2021

Why don’t unsavoury and sweet mean the same thing when describing a person?

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) July 18, 2021

England: You can take our lives but you’ll never take our Freedom Day!
Covid: Okay, I’ll take your lives.

— Hal Cruttenden (@Halcruttenden) July 19, 2021

“Staff shortages caused by large numbers of workers being pinged by the NHS app.” @BBCr4today 🤔

✅The App is just doing its job.

✅There’s lots of pings because there’s lots of transmission.

✅Relaxing restrictions has consequences for our health AND our economy.

— Caroline Russell (@CarolineRussell) July 19, 2021

Sir please you cannot come into Gregg's in your underpants

Me: pilot scheme

I beg you pardon sir

— Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) July 18, 2021

Can't be a person in UK who doesn't want this nightmare over. It's separated us from loved ones, disrupted lives and brought unemployment, misery and death to our doorsteps. But just picking an arbitrary date and declaring it over does not end it. Beware Covid 19. Beware populism

— Otto English (@Otto_English) July 18, 2021

BREAKING: The phrase 'avoid it like the plague' no longer means 'avoid forever' but now means 'avoid it until you get bored of it and carry on like normal'

— Dave (@davechannel) July 19, 2021

It's a hot day, everyone has windows open and I live by a violin teacher. So far so good, but this could turn.

— Jess Phillips MP (@jessphillips) July 19, 2021

If you're wondering how intelligent the anti-lockdown/anti-masker crowd is, they are currently out and about protesting restrictions that lifted 15 hours ago.

— TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) (@TechnicallyRon) July 19, 2021

My local Sainsbury’s have removed the clear screens between each self service till. Whilst I understand restrictions have been lifted, I find it odd that you would actively remove a physical measure which helps to keep people safe.

— PrimaryCoHead (@PrimaryCoHead) July 19, 2021

Most middle class thing ever – large vine tomatoes are considered a high risk item for theft in Waitrose, so staff need to check self checkout bags when you're buying them.

Makes a change from worrying about people stealing bottles of vodka and packs of razer blades.

— ianVisits (@ianvisits) July 19, 2021

Intrigued by this protest march for something which has basically already come about. Feels like a good way of getting a win. I'm going to march for a smoking ban aboard planes, and dog ownership to become legal.

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) July 19, 2021

Hmmmm ordered rocket lollies for the kids and @waitrose sent Pimms Pops instead, I feel like they’ve really got my back 😂 pic.twitter.com/7z5MlgtO8J

— Daisies and Pie (@DaisiesandPieUK) July 19, 2021

A friendly reminder that even if you hate art, we do have air conditioning

— Royal Academy (@royalacademy) July 19, 2021

"If we don't open up now we may face even tougher restrictions later".

This makes no sense to me. pic.twitter.com/Ov1J9HCf7x

— Ben (@bmf1g10) July 19, 2021

Is there anywhere I can sign up for this though https://t.co/yDw6EesFeE

— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) July 19, 2021

For what it's worth, I'm still wearing a mask. As someone here put it, it's more comfortable than a ventilator.

— Jojo Moyes (@jojomoyes) July 19, 2021

Nightclubs: both so dangerous you’ll need to be double vaccinated and fine to go in for two months with or without 1-2 vaccines

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 19, 2021

Who called them vaccine passports and not Covisas.

— Dave (@davechannel) July 20, 2021

I've spent all day admitting COVID patients to ICU.

How was your #FreedomDay ?

— Peter Hampshire (@peterahampshire) July 19, 2021

But remember, there’s no money for a proper pay rise for nurses or to feed hungry kids. https://t.co/h6gpYdtnit

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 20, 2021

Sue Perkins announced as next host of BBC Radio 4’s #JustAMinutehttps://t.co/RHiiIkZZ0p pic.twitter.com/bb5MvcEecn

— Radio Times (@RadioTimes) July 20, 2021

Sad I'll no longer be able to play my favourite game, but both delighted and honoured to be the new host of it. #justaminute

— Sue Perkins 💙 (@sueperkins) July 20, 2021

Not once in his press conference did @BorisJohnson refer to the clinically vulnerable, the cancelled cancer operations & liver transplants, the 13 hour waits in A&E.

He u-turned so glibly, just a jolly old game.

But these are *people*.

It couldn’t be more deadly serious 😔

— Dr Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) July 19, 2021

Feed the world or blast yourself into space. Such a tough call. #bezos

— Sophie Walker (@SophieRunning) July 20, 2021

Still as fresh as ever today:) https://t.co/0biqHHuyUx

— Kate Robbins (@KateRobbins) July 19, 2021

a timeline of my day thus far pic.twitter.com/Aq1rbBrnr6

— The author, Séamas O'Reilly (@shockproofbeats) July 19, 2021

Jemima Puddleduck

— Maggie Richens (@whimbrella) July 19, 2021

If you think Covid is a hoax, then there is a huge business opportunity for you. Set up an insurance company for the film & TV industry, indemnify against Covid cases at very low premiums. If you are right you will never have to pay out and you'll make a fortune. #GoForIt

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) July 20, 2021

Dear @BorisJohnson This is the note my neighbour left me. The over 80s are keeping a close eye on you #Covid19UK pic.twitter.com/FCAPK3pDIu

— Dr Laura Ovenden FCCT (@OvendenLaura) July 20, 2021

Just heard @spectator are planning to run a story on me tomorrow about how I have benefitted commercially in the last 18 months…To clarify, I don’t need to partner with brands. I partner because I want to progress the work I do off the pitch and…(1)

— Marcus Rashford (@MarcusRashford) July 20, 2021

Ratings. Nigel Farage pulled in an average of 96,000 viewers for his debut on #GBNews last night.
It’s an improvement, but hardly worth shouting about.
Which may be why none of the GB army has been shouting about it.

— IAN HYLAND (@HylandIan) July 20, 2021

That interview. Shocking how Cummings, who said Britain had had enough of being run by unelected bureaucrats, blatantly feels he and his gang had the right to run Britain as unelected bureaucrats.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 20, 2021

Watched The Dominic Cummings interview tonight. Completely unrelated, but am also really enjoying an audiobook by @jonronson lately. It’s called The Psychopath Test.

— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) July 20, 2021

I switched to Airplane mode and all the contacts in my phone changed to Shirley.

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) July 21, 2021

STUCK FOR WORDS

The problem
of writingpoems
inhot weather

isthatthe words
getsweaty
and sticktogether.

— Brian Bilston (@brian_bilston) July 20, 2021

If someone in Sicily read this. pic.twitter.com/7stcBRcnLy

— Antonello Guerrera (@antoguerrera) July 21, 2021

What do we want? Air con! When do we want it? About 5 days a year.

— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) July 21, 2021

Me: Remember, you can be anything you want to be.

Son: A potato?

Me: No.

— cluedont (@cluedont) July 21, 2021

Happy π Approximation Day everyone! In the spirit of the occasion: remember to celebrate slightly more than you should. #piday

— Matt Parker (@standupmaths) July 22, 2021

All this pingdemic talk reminds me of that scene in Chernobyl when they turned down their Geiger counters because they were clicking too much.

— Gray Williams (@gray_books) July 22, 2021

You don’t want compulsory tests, you don’t want vaccinations, you don’t want lockdowns, you don’t want to be declined entry from certain places… but you want covid to go away 😭😭 make it make sense

— Pistachio (@HarleyShah) July 21, 2021

Boris Johnson has just admitted that the UK is in the middle of a third wave of coronavirus and so cannot, apparently, have a Covid public enquiry. However, we can reopen nightclubs. You could not make this insanity up.

— Richard Murphy (@RichardJMurphy) July 21, 2021

Posts from people who live in countries that constantly have very high temperatures mocking the UK for not being able to cope in the heat piss me right off.

WE. DON’T. HAVE. AIR. CON.

AND WE’RE USED TO USUALLY STILL NEEDING TO WEAR A CARDIGAN AND CARRY AN UMBRELLA IN JULY.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) July 22, 2021

The app is doing it’s job; the high number of cases is because the government aren’t. https://t.co/FTEE2iyc6I

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) July 22, 2021

Re: Mark Driscoll – I keep hearing some version of “yes he was sexist, homophobic and a bully, but he was SO good at preaching the Word.”

No. It doesn’t work like that.

If you’re constantly marginalizing people, you aren’t good at the Bible. Those things are mutually exclusive.

— Zach W. Lambert (@ZachWLambert) July 21, 2021

The moment Labour MP Dawn Butler asked to leave House of Commons after refusing to withdraw claims PM Boris Johnson "lied to the House and the country over and over again"https://t.co/Gb8EbCty4l pic.twitter.com/Tbd4X5QKOo

— BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) July 22, 2021

Regardless of the rights and wrongs of yesterday, or any political allegiance, it’s probably time that proven lying should be allowed to be called out in parliament, no?

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) July 23, 2021

Once, when Winston Churchill wanted to call out a lie, he referred to it as a 'terminological inexactitude'

Apparently this is totally acceptable in the House of Commons

It's going to be used a lot while Boris is in power

— John Cleese (@JohnCleese) July 23, 2021

Future #Pointless contestants, please treat the #OpeningCeremony as revision.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) July 23, 2021

If we’re talking 2012 Olympics again, I feel it isn’t mentioned enough that the culture secretary saw the opening ceremony and gave the note “it’s good but can we put a Hitler in it” pic.twitter.com/c59a3jizib

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 23, 2021

Andrew Cotter and Graham Norton – that would be the dream team for commentating the opening ceremony. Though this is a good combination too😂😂#bbcolympics

— Sarah (@tartantroos) July 23, 2021

Given that #TheHundred has clearly decided against using the term ‘over’, why are they going for the rather ungainly ‘set of five’ when ‘fiver’ is just there, sitting waiting? Maybe it sounds too like ‘five-for’? Anyway, it feels like the right word.

— @mrchrisaddison@dizl.de (@mrchrisaddison) July 23, 2021

Yvette Cooper – "I don't think there's anybody in the country who thinks that your border policy worked to prevent the Delta variant spreading right across the country… so it's troubling that you're(Priti Patel) effectively saying that the policy did work…" pic.twitter.com/jehWdNSRrP

— Haggis_UK 🇬🇧 🇪🇺 (@Haggis_UK) July 21, 2021

I asked my year 1 classes to give me some 'Pearls of Wisdom' to live by
Here is my analysis;
A THREAD

— George Pointon (@GeorgePointon_) July 23, 2021

Why have they deleted it though? The plot thickens!! As does the pile of elastic bands at the bottom of postboxes! https://t.co/8zJYvygVWj

— Isy Suttie (@Isysuttie) July 23, 2021

When we did Only Connect, I learned all the chemical elements by atomic number. You’d be surprised how rarely that comes in handy IRL. Anyway, today my wife was doing a quiz online & it finally came up! Unfortunately it was a quiz in Russian & turns out they have different names.

— James Harkin (@JamesHarkin) July 23, 2021

I love nuanced commentary. There's just not enough of it on Twitter… 👀But here's some 👇 https://t.co/y2R0HFft7c

— Jo C (@joacie) July 24, 2021

How do you have a Mr Blobby Twitter account and not make all the tweets ‘Blobby Blobby Blobby’? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON I DEMAND ANSWERS AND/OR SOMEONE’S RESIGNATION #Blobby #Blobby #Blobby pic.twitter.com/3Vo8POmQXg

— Chris Hewitt (@ChrisHewitt) July 24, 2021

The Royal National Lifeboat Institution is a voluntary body that exists to save lives. It’s hard to comprehend how twisted someone’s views would have to be to verbally abuse them. https://t.co/1YpdZm6MNf

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) July 24, 2021

Hatred.

How it starts How it’s going pic.twitter.com/atRQIkuueD

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 24, 2021

Working on my splits with @teambelgium gymnastics 😉 🇧🇪🇷🇸🙌🏼 @ninaderwael @mae_gym #Tokyo2020 pic.twitter.com/xOOIBYldph

— Novak Djokovic (@DjokerNole) July 24, 2021

pic.twitter.com/hpHV0Mgux9

— John Fleming (@thejohnfleming) July 24, 2021

Nothing more disappointing than a baked potato that’s decided to end it all pic.twitter.com/eRzcpMsjtD

— Adrian Edmondson ❎ (@AdrianEdmondson) July 24, 2021

‘We hope gymnasts uncomfortable in the usual outfits will feel emboldened to follow our example.’ 👏https://t.co/hQDjTmpo0j

— Metro (@MetroUK) July 24, 2021

Watching Sense and Sensibility and it occurs to me that all the lovely houses they live in, shaded with noble trees and silvered with age, would have been new builds then and looked like footballer mansions. pic.twitter.com/6JN1nsLKI7

— Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) July 24, 2021

Latest from the opinium pals pic.twitter.com/enXZ4yPag4

— Ed (@Statistitching) July 24, 2021

oh well seeing as it’s the olympics again https://t.co/2a9wv9dFUt

— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) July 24, 2021